Lucy's 51

Uh! This didn't come out!!! Maybe you can see this?
It's of a man and a woman in their 40's wasted and "grinding" on each other to Mumford and Sons.

I was taking pictures and videos of all the sad old people who were divorced and/or hadn't had sex with anyone in a very long time (you could tell) drunkenly hitting on each other at the end of the night at a singing place called "Lucy's 51."

If ever you're in the mood for a sexy cocktail when you're in sexy, sexy Burbank. Go. Here.
It smells really bad (but not in a good dive bar way... in like...okay... I'm just gonna say it... in a vagina way.... like... vaginas all hanging out in a box and they're all wearing a ton of perfume...), the people are all SO SAD, there's generally live music played by a man that looks EXACTLY like Perd Haply from "Parks and Recreations," and the decorum is... retro, because there's red lighting?... No, it's sexy, because there is leopard print fur everywhere?...No, that's not it... It's a kitch... because there are frogs glued to the ceiling? I'm a Seagull? No, that's not it....

This is a repulsive place I'm never going back to except for probably every week.

See!?!?!? Perd.

"Psychosis 101 - Episode 2"

This one might be my favorite. Simply because I love Craig Cackowski ("Community") and Josh DuBose (King 10) and I can't believe they let me play with them while a camera was rolling.

Food and Asians

I tell everyone I knew from college and beyond that I was a fat kid in high school. That's not true, though. I wasn't really a fat kid. Finally, I'm fessing-up to the one million people reading this. I wasn't The Fat Kid. 

But comparatively, I kinda was. A little. Sort of. 

My high school was 85% percent Asian, so even though I would have been regular-sized had I gone to  a school where they don't believe in Evolution (ha! I capitalized it, pro-lifers! Take that!)... in MY school, comparatively, I was morbidly obese. 

More on how it sucks to be a white girl going through puberty only around Asian girls later. It sucks. They just get more skinny and beautiful... stupid Asian girls!

No one ever asked me out or liked me or wha wha whatever. So I always wanted to eat because why the fuck not? Not impressing anyone anyways! Enter ten years of my life being sad I was fat and then eating those sad, sad feelings. I don't want to get into this because 1. It's dull, and 2. Literally every girl in the world could write a novel on this subject. I'm not interested. Unless it's one of those anorexic diaries where they do really weird shit like eat cotton balls. I would read about that.

Anyway,

I got mono-kinda last year from extreme work-writing-trying-to-make-my-way-in-this-world! stress, and suddenly... I'm never hungry. Ever. EVER! And even when I am hungry, eating seems like a chore.  It's amazing. How did this happen? I feel like I cheated. I've lost 10 pounds in the last year (I'm 5 feet tall, that's a lot) from not doing anything! I never work out! I'm cheating! 

I feel like I made some Faustian pact I don't remember. And I'm gonna get really hot, and then go to hell. 

Eh. 

Worth it. 

(Pictured Above: An average dinner. And yes, that is a vegan Smart Dog that is not cooked.)

Psychosis 101 - Episode One

I wrote/produced/mediocre-acted-in a web series called "Psychosis 101."
It took me a very long time to do all six of these episodes.
I only almost have 500 views on YouTube.
But I also have no desire/vehemently hate promoting myself. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. And you can't promote yourself sarcastically because it doesn't make sense.
So this has been a challenge.
Ed Begley Jr. is the most wonderful man in the world.
Please enjoy.

And click on the rest to follow Blane Blaney's journey into the depths of the human mind....

.... No one is watching this!!

Every time I see this movie poster, I feel so bad for the spouses of these actors. Having to watch these guys "find their character" for like two years.... 

"Honny! I think I've found Grimbald's iconic snarl!!!!!"

Buck List

Number 1.
To say this in an interview at one point in my life:

Me (old, wiser, in a blazer): Well, actually, a lot of people don't know this, but that was never in the script. I know! What would the film be without that moment? Honestly, we were just goofing around and apparently the director was like, roll the cameras, we have to get this. And she just shot it and we didn't even know! God... we had fun....

This is the Greatest Picture Ever Taken

I know I said (I didn't say. I only talk to myself. I'm aware no one in the world is reading this) that this blog wasn't going to be about re-posting shit and commenting on it stupidly.  No blanket statements that 4000000 billion have already made; "How cool!" Or "Awwws!" Or "About TIME!:) XOXox!!" Nope! None of that on THIS blog. But this images surpasses all posible interesting life moments I could  ever conceivably be twirling around in my head.

Because this the greatest picture I've ever taken.

Improvisation

I am on an Improv team called "ADULTS." We play about 2-3 times a week and rehearse once. That's a lot of improv. I hate when I tell people that I do a lot of improv, because I know what kind of a person they imagine. Generally they are right.
I really want to write a beautiful little excerpt on applying the rules of improv to your own life, but Tina Fey already did that. God damn Tina Fey.
I'll do it a little bit anyway:

My team and I play so often with one another that I think we subconsciously use our on stage training in our not-on-stage relationships. We get off the stage where we have just been listening like crazy to every thing that has been said, or unsaid, and then we go directly into 'hang out' mode with that same mind set. I have learned that that makes for very, very good friendships.

This is me bothering Dan Torson and grossing out Bryan Rogers. Can you tell I'm playing a blind person that no one likes? Classic Yeager. 

Fashion 1

Manikins usually make one feel bad about oneself. Women, I'm sure you find yourself saying things like, "That will NEVER look that good on me!" Or "That blue dress is just going to make my body look even MORE like a people-Lego's."

That's why you should start following my fashion advice. Fashion Rule #1:
Only shop at stores that have manikins shaped like this.
"Now I can look that good, too!"
Self. Esteem. Intact.

Ahhh... The Holidays in Pasadena

It's that time of year again. Time to gather the kids around the fire to roast marshmallows  drink hot coco, sing Christmas carols, and watch the Mexicans put the lights up on your house for you. 

God I love this country. 

Now get. The. Fuck. Out.