So I moved up the ranks real quick here. I went from researcher (Loser posish-) to the Head Hancho's personal assistant. Which was a really rewarding experience, because he is 90 years-old and wears a fedora every day. And he says things like,
Dick: "Mackenzie, will you order me some tortellini? Some good tortellini?"
Me: "Yeah, sure, Dick. From where?"
Dick:"Eh, I dunno. Look some places up in the phone book."
Wow. Phone book. How fun is this?!
Things got better from there.
Dick would ask me into his office, close the door, and speak in a hushed voice about this... business we had to take care of. Like he was suddenly Robert DeNiro in those flashback scenes from The Godfather Part II. And he'd talk about all the lawyers ("the weasels!") that we were gonna "stick it to." These lawyers' names were always equally as bizarre as everything else surrounding me. They were like "Zucky" or "Birdie."
What we were exactly doing in these secret, DeNiro-meetings was trying to catch the evil, twisty-mustached lawyers that, say, ran the MTV Music Video Awards and found loop-holes in the contracts in order to not pay the show's musicians their union wage. And the sad thing is, is that these evil MTV lawyers usually get away with it... because the only people in charge of catching these bad guys... were me and this guy:
Aw. Dick. I miss him.
Goddam MTV and really, everyone else in showbusiness who tries to pull one over on this guy who's been in the business before you were in dipers!!! He JUST wants some tortellini, god damnit.
Don't you think this guy deserves his fucking union wage for playing behind Rhiana for 300 screaming children!?!?
This is literally a headshot of one of the musicians in our office. I fucking love this job.
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