FASHION ADVICE

Hey ya'll, it's me, Rebeca Clark! I'm a stylist in New York who knows all about fashion, and how to make yourself the best you! I'll be poppin' in here from time to time for a little girl on girl action with my main gal, MackblogMack.
We met in high school after smoking weed back behind the river. It was really sweet. Yah, we were totes those girlzz. Kinda sick, huh? We'd jut be slackin' off from class, doing lots of artwork together in our bras, and fighting off boys with sticks! Big ones! Boy, did our papas not like that one bit! But on a more serious note, we were really hot and all the boys with big muscles liked us, and all the ugly girls wanted us to die. AAHAHA! No jk jk jk I love everyone.

SOOOO hommies, let's get started!
I've been asked to occasionally comment here on the awesome sick blog about my latest fashion finds! Because this blog is "a censorial trip down the life of one of LA's hottest IT girls,"* Mack thought it would be good to have a special commentor simply for style itself. Mack would always say, "Style is like... a person. You are born a baby, and then when you grow up, you have to have your OWN baby. And that baby, it style. If you're barren, then you might as well die. Because in THIS metaphor, that means you have no style." God, I love that girl. She's like Sidhartha.

SO, I'll be letting ya'll in-the-know with the who's who of the hottest of the hot, and getting ya'll into in some FABO** gear!!
What's on the plate for today?
YYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU guessed it! Winter Wonderland!

Getting kinda cold out there, huh? I have a boyfriend I'm in love with, so I'm set, but most of ya'll aren't in love with anyone! Without the cuddly, heated ball of muscle and flesh to warm you up at night, some of you can grab an.... eyemask! AS SEEN ABOVE, YAH!!! ISN'T IT SUPER HOT! The main thing to do when choseing and eyemask is to make sure it's super, super cute. Like this one! (SEEN ABOVE)

Just adjust it to your sexy head, or don't because most are not adjustable, pop it over your twinkle-sparklers*** and hit the snooze button!
Your beau not getting the message?..... Get a little crafty and make a teenie-tiny eye mask for his penis! He will think it's as adorable as you are! I've never made one, because I have crippling anxiety that keeps me up all night sucking on my fingers until they're deeply pruned and therefore have no use for sleeping, but hey ya'll, I bet it's easy! Just make a tiny eye-mask for his penis, get into a little sucky-touchy foreplay, such as putting a donut around his penis and eating it**** or a good ol' HJ. Once you've gotten a little flirty, stick the eyemask on the tip of his "shlong." Noticing a slight pinch, he'll look down, and see his silly buddy has got an eye mask on! No need for you to say, "Hey boyfriend, it's time to go to sleep!" He's got the message!
He'll turn over, tell you he's more in love with you than he's ever been in his life, and fall fast asleep. Meanwhile YOU end the night warm, frisky, AND fashionable!
This has been Boyfriend Advice, formerly Fashion Advice*****.
Rebeca Clark, Maxanista
And remember, staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay fertile!




* The Economist, Al Gore
** Not an acronym
*** Eyes
**** Taken from every other issue of "Cosmopolitan magazine"
***** As this installment of "Fashion Advice" was being printed, there was a government takeover of Mackblogmack that re-oriented many aspects of the blog. Rebeca Clark now writes about boyfriends, NOT fashion, because some glam diva came stomping through the offices of MackBlogMack, located in the penthouse of Trump Towers, and tried to shoot Rebeca in the head. All of the extremely attractive, mean gay men that get into all the Doche and Gabana parties in the Western Hemisphere that work at this company for free just to be around Mackenzie and her IT Girl status TACKLED said Glam Goddess on the floor. Before she was tazered, she demanded to be head of fashion culture here at headquarters. Obviously, Mack felt sorry for her, and is going to clean her up. She thinks her blog posts might be interesting... instead of the usual "this is what is trending now" type of information so easy to matriculated from myriad internet sites, maybe this Glam Goddess will show us something more about ourselves. A Pygmalion story, if you will.
Apparently, she was just a long haired, beauty who worked for a high powered military official...getting him coffee, and getting skinny in the meantime. Then, in just a couple years, this Cinderella blossomed into a full-on career woman, making decisions in the military AND in the sack! (And more than once...those were one in the same...). What drove this high powered connoisseur of meetings and weaponry to storm the Trump Tower and threaten the Becca-Hot Rebeca Clark with death? No one will ever know. But we WILL know her fashion advice. Very, very soon. Here's to the new co-worker! Rebeca, you can go back to the woods with your filthy tail between your legs. YEP! Within the time of me writing this paragraph, you've already royally pissed me off, and now, you are FIRED. FIRED!
XOXO,
The Internet