Something Should Change

I'm reading this book a couple days before I turn 26. I'm sick of people telling me I'm still very young. I'm not. I should have already accomplished something by now. Yet I have accomplished nothing. 

This book is really impacting me more than I wish it was. 

When it comes to comics/comedians/funny writers and the such, it seem like they take life in strides. They get married later and make lots of weird decisions and spend a lot of time making crappy movies and stuff because they are trying stuff out. Because they are funny and creative. But I'm reading this book and watching his sketch show "THE STATE" that was on MTV in the 90s at the same time...  and holy shit, he was 22 when that show was on!? What the fuck!? What?! They look so grown up? How did they do that? And he got married to his wife when he was 25!? Ah. I'm terrified. 

Reading this book was honestly, the first time, (truly) I have ever in my life thought, "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this." Never thought that before. I always wanted to be an actor. And that slightly shifted when I decided I wanted to write and act, and see which one happens first. And ultimately do both of them. So I haven't really changed my life course since I was five. (Michael Ian Black has a funny part in the book saying the same thing. That his life career was decided by someone who still couldn't tie his shoes.)

But should I be doing something different? I've been out of college for 4 years now. I don't go on auditions. Not because I'm scared of rejection. Come on. My own self-rejection is eons scarier than some woman's who is comparing me to a whole bunch of models. Melinda, I totally agree with you. I'd hire those hotties over me any day! I don't go on auditions because I am so, so bad at them. It's just a waste of time. And I do the minimal amount of writing. Minimal. People think I write a lot more than I do. Because I'm always working on something. But I spend a lot more time thinking about it than writing it. I produce maybe one not very good thing a year. Should I be doing something different? Something should change. 

He is just so funny it's painful. And so are all of his friend. 

Ever since I started making decisions, I knew the one thing I wanted out of life was to be a part of a group. And this group consists of people that have similar desires as I do. And they are all charismatic. And they are the funniest people in the world. I want to be friends with the funniest people in the world. I would be content accomplishing nothing in my life is the people I surrounded myself were the funniest people in the world. Because I'd be happy all the time. Right? I don't see that happening in the near future either.