The Perfect Joke

I almost made the greatest joke the other day.
It would have been super elaborate, and probably super confusing, but in my mind... it would have been the perfect joke.

Last weekend I told the guy I've been in love with that I'm in love with him. It was a dramatic, Mufasa-falls-off-the-cliff-moment in my life. I'd put it on a life timeline if I were still in 4th grade. It wasn't that big of a deal to him. He was kind of underwhelmed by the moment. (I was having). Either way, we didn't get into it, but I'm 99.9% sure he doesn't feel the same way. (That .1% is sheer delusion, which, I believe, is healthy and means I have a soul).

The next day I'm at work. I work on a Nickelodeon show. If you've ever watched the network, you'd know that every episode of every show involves sliming, spilling, blasting, and all around messes. So we had a wedding episode the other day where, of course, the wedding cake gets thrown onto a character! So we had like 5 cartoonishly-giant wedding cakes laying around. At the end of the day, we still had one that wasn't smashed. The props guys begged for one of us to take it home. And I happen to be on my way to meet said guy I'm in love with at a bar with some other friends to play trivia....

Cue dream joke sequence:
What if I showed up with this 4 foot tall wedding cake and said to him...
"....I don't take no for an answer....."
or
".... It's now, or never, Len?..."
or--
The dream sequence went on so long that I didn't realize someone had already thrown away the cake.

PS. It should be noted that if the cake wouldn't have been thrown away, and this would have taken place, most of the people at the table, including Len (definitely his name), would be horrified, weirded out, and not think it was funny at all. He would probably get a restraining order on me. (Which would be hot). I just didn't want anyone reading this to think that I thought OTHER people would enjoy this joke. It was and will always be... just for me.

*Bird by Dragon

**

Two of the writers from the Nickelodeon show I work on took me to lunch the other day to tell me how to become a writer. It was the best conversation I've had about the writing process in years and years. I feel like for the past decade, I've been given the same advice about writing; write every day, be brave, read Syd Feild. And I cannot tell you how exhausting it becomes. But the rules and tips I hear usually are the same type of things that apply to like... baseball and Buddhism; they are fleeting and, though pretty, a bit obscure. You can't sink you're teeth into, "Write what scares you." It's more like... a vague idea that you could put on a coffee mug.

These guys, Jon and Gabe, gave me the simplest way to write a pilot spec. I will write it here so I don't forget it. And also, I might come upon this blog post ten years from now, when I'm in jail, and think, "Oh yeah, remember when I was trying to be a writer? How cute... I didn't kill my husband!!!"

AN INTERESTING WAY TO GO ABOUT SPEC WRITING:
1. Write down a list of every TV show on TV. Pick one of these out of a hat. This is the show you're writing.
(I got "Girls." Out of every show on television. That's funny. Not sure why).
2. Determine the "identity" of the show.
(Many shows have a "bread and butter" identity if you look closely).
3. Write down at least 50 ideas in which the shows' characters do something that fit this identity.
4. Watch the show and take notes. Determine the structure.
(Gabe's words on this: "Sometimes it can be as simple as an emotional structure, rather than a plot-type one.  Do episodes always start with a crisis?  Or do the end on a sad/down/bittersweet moment instead of a happy ending?  I remember big bang theory would often skip a traditional wrap-up and instead end at the funniest moment in the climax.")
5. Structure out 10 of the 50 ideas you have into an entire show.
6. Decide which one to write. And don't sacrifice character for jokes!
( I would never. I always do. Something to work on).

Basically, the writers in my room are incredibly sweet and I currently owe them a lot.


*You're really cool if you get the joke I made in the title.
** Want to sign up for this woman's writing workshop in Colorado!? It's only $500 and it's called "Disembodying Poetics." I'm sure there's space.

A Compliment

I received the best compliment I've ever been given today. At least, the one that makes me think.
A crew member on the Nickelodeon show I work on said to me today:

"I like the way you are."

Out of nowhere. I response to nothing I did or said. He was an old dude. He was a camera opp on "Starsky and Hutch." He's really old. He said it in that old, maybe gay, wise man way that I only recall from teachers from college. I like the way you are. It's a lovely thing to say, really. There's a lot of people I highly enjoy, but few people I think I could say that to, and really know what I meant. I can't wait to tell all those people.



PS. This was the first picture that came up when I google-image searched "a compliment."