I Highly Recommend

"The Recommendation."  It's it "IAMA THEATRE COMPANY" at Theatre Asylum.
(Vine and Santa Monica.  Go to "The Three Clubs" for a drink across the street before the show.  Get a taco also at the truck.).

One of the best plays I've seen in Los Angeles.  I wish I could articulate why it's important and why it's a good play, but I think I'm still digesting it, and know I'm probably not as intelligent or articulate as the playwright.

The acting was wonderful.  You can tell a play in LA is going to be good when the actors come on stage and they aren't exuding, "PLEASE CAST ME IN A PILOT" energy.  These three actors have or could be having good film/tv careers.  They weren't overdoing the presentational style of the show.  I generally hate that "now we take you to Cleveland, Ohio!" type of play, but this one worked because the actors were invested and didn't make it bigger than it needed to be.  Malcolm Barrett was AMAZING.  And yes, he is familiar because you've seen him in everything.

Malcolm:

Go see it. http://iamatheatre.com/recommendationiama/

Boring Post

I just thought I would re post this list because I really agree with it.  All the books I loved have a great modern counterpart.  

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/books-to-read-based-on-your-childhood-favorites?s=mobile

Rain!

It's finally raining!!! I'm so excited! Papa will finally get paid for all the strawberries and oats he has harvested!!!  Finally, we will have a hot dinner.  And maybe, after he and ma go dancin, he'll bring me back that pink ribbon I've been wanting for my hair. I know I shouldn't want for things like that, what with the scarcity of more important things and all, but I can't help it. That mean old Betsy Humton always wears TWO in her hair each day, and she is such a priss about them, I just want some of my own!  I know Paw would be upset with me if he heard me going on like that, but sometimes I just can't help coveting! I hope God is real.  Or else, what's the point of all this?

Janie Anne

Don't Bring Your Babies to Work The Week I'm Not There!!!

Frozen

On my first day of work (!) the writers with little girls were like... "You don't know about Frozen...wtf." And I'm like, yeah I know it's a Disney movie that I hear is okay but not worth seeing. And they told me apparently, it's a HUGE deal in the little girl world. It's all they watch and talk about. And something called rainbow looming.

I just watched it and it's little girl movie on crack:

Two sisters who are 16 AND princesses.

Who have magical powers.

That Live in a castle alone because their parents are dead (always hot)

And have several costume changes.  All of which are flowy dresses.

Basically it's a little girl's Citizen Kane.

Shock Treatment... A success!

I didn't take any pictures... So here is Begley angry he's tied to a table.

Hey 5th Grade Mackenzie...

Words cannot describe how happy I am.  There are no words.  There are also no words because I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it.  I'm not sure why.  I don't think the general public is all too concerned with what goes on at Nickelodeon.  All I will say is that it harkens back to the Nickelodeon I loved and lived and breathed as a child.  I wish I could tell 5th grade Mackenzie what I was doing.  But I think 5th grade Mackenzie would be so excited she would just like, kill herself by jumping out of a window, not understanding the concept of "future me."  I don't think that happened though, because I am still alive.  FOR NOW.
Either way, as of next week, I am officially a TV writer.  I get to write sketches for kids, performed by kids.  I am so so so so happy.  I am this happy:

Pompeii

Of course I saw this on Thursday night as a sneak preview.  Duh.
Man... it's getting really hard to make fun of movies lately.  I saw Pompeii, ready to get my laugh on, ready to yell things out in the movie inappropriately, and I was sadly discouraged.  I never see the big action movies because they bore me, but this one looked especially bad.  So I went.  And it's just... our special effects are so incredible these days.  It is truly mind blowing.  I feel bad ragging on a shitty movie like Pompeii because like... the volcano looked so real.  Actual artists worked on it.  I feel terrible dragging their work through the mud (lava) because it is so beautiful and perfect.
I feel like I'm losing myself.  But it just seems like it took so much time and so many people that made these wonderful effects, the movie doesn't deserved to be slammed like they used to.  I'm really not ready for this brave new world...

But Keiffer Sutherland was terrible.  Like, really really bad.  Just look at this!

And Jon Snow was super sexy as always and you still liked him even though, as in Game of Thrones, he makes the same face in every shot:

This is the most disgusting salad I've ever made.

It is by no means, "honkin'."

Spinach, seaweed, turkey jerky, roasted red pepper hummus, italian vinaigrette, and crushed up peanut butter filled pretzels.

This is a terrible, disgusting salad.  It's going to be hard to finish.  But I will.

Because I never give up. 

WORK!

I finally get to go back to work!!!  Uh I was so excited I woke up at 6 AM like a kid on the first day of school.  It's such a relief to have structure and see human beings... I was going crazy.
And OF COURSE I was unemployed for three months, go back to work today, and OF COURSE TODAY I get an email for a job offer starting Monday.  Why couldn't this have happened a month ago!  I could have worked my months off then gone back to *Hathaways today!!! God... I hope you're as cool as you're cracked up to be.

* I'm really scared to say the full name of this show because of that stupid thing (I think it's just the internet) where any kid typing in the show name can direct them here just from me typing the name.  Does this make sense?  I hate it.  Why aren't you more private, public online journal?

"Around My French Table"

Is my favorite French cookbook.  It might be my favorite one, I'm not sure.  It competes with "Once Upon a Tart."  Both given to me by the wonderful and the unwashed Tuckie White.  So, going into season two of the Nick show I work on, I'm going to start bringing my lunches and cooking all the time and being very French.  People will describe me as, "Oh, you know, Mackenzie... the girl whose apartment always smells like thyme and intellectual conversation... She's very skinny."  That's who I'm going to be known as around these parts.  Which actually, isn't that hard in these parts.  A guy who lives near me just got savagely beaten for absolutely no reason on Saturday night coming out of a 711.  Some meth head or something.  There was no point to it.  So I probably am the best cook (non-meth) on the block.  I don't think "Motel" motel, my neighbor, harbors any competition...

Gougres. 

(Ask Lydia Harter how to pronounce.  I forgot).

Cheesy French biscuits!!!

Fin!  They were disgusting. 

Bacon, onion and spinach quiche!  It was really, really good.

I woke up with acne. 

"And that's why you always leave a note."

IVAN

Is a play I wrote that is being read tonight at Echo Theatre.  I'M SCARED!!!  I hope I don't have to say anything.  I hate it when I have to talk.  I think if I'm asked, I will just look up and whisper, "Let my words speak for themselves..."

Note to self: Only refer to things I've written as "my words."

Here is Ethan Hawke in "Ivanov", the play mine is based on.
He was great.

 CONFLICT!  

Vampire Academy

Is really good.

Though the plot is very complex.  I had a hard time following it.  It was like, "Tangled" complex.  I'd say Vampire Academy is the Atlas Shrugged of Vampire movies...

This moment is in it.

And of course this moment. 

 I saw this in the theatre. 

Ace Hotel

Is in Los Angeles now!  It's so cool!  I think Ace Hotels are the coolest thing in the world.  And everyone at the restaurant was SUPER nice.  Which is so weird... I feel like it wasn't that long ago that if a restaurant or store wanted to be cool, it was a rule to stock it with pretentious ass holes who treated you like shit and really, really secretly hated themselves; you could see it in their eyes.  But everyone was so kind.  And pretty.  Especially the host who was a very tall man who looked just like Dave Grohl.  PONYTAIL.  When are women going to stop being idiots and submit to the power of the manpone!  George Washington had one!  That means it's sexy!  Uh... I feel like I'm going to reach a point in my life that no matter what I am writing about, it's going to end up being an advertisement for ponytails.

Went with Karen and Kim and Mother and Father to the restaurant.  Had "orange" wine, which was super weird.  I don't recommend it, but I didn't send it back because the waitress was too nice.  And I send EVERYTHING back.  I'm that person.  I hate that person.  

I highly recommend the starters: cuttlefish, ricotta, and mussels.  MmMMMM!!!! I can't wait to see the LA Dance troupe perform on their gorgeous, restored stage!!!

 

VDay

Zack wanted to take me somewhere nice. He chose Columbos in Eagle Lake. Nice is the wrong word, but perfect is the BEST world.  Everyone here is in their 60s or a giant Latino family.  It's very weird.

He chose it because it has live jazz. I like to go to jazz places (hashtag bohemiaNOLA).  They even confirmed on the phone that jazz was tonight...

We are here and it is definitely not a jazz band.  It's an all Philipino smooth rock band. 

It's a Badly English translated James Taylor cover band.

The food is okay. In the bathroom is a framed poster for "That's My Boy".  The Adam Sandler movie.

It's the worst Valentines day ever.

And by worst I mean best.

I dressed way too sexy for this place.... This was my inspiration:

See?

Relief (two ways)

I experienced a wonderful sense of relief and joy today.  I looked at my To Do list, and "Mono." was on it.  I cannot tell you how many times "Mono." has been on a to do list of mine.  Probably over 90 times have I written that down with dread.  It means "work on a monologue for audition."  But I glanced at the "mono." on my list today, and it does not stand for me having to stand in my room talking to a mirror and hating myself.  It stands for me having to go to the store to pick up Monostat.  Looking at this to do this... I don't think a yeast infection has ever given me so much joy.

Andy!!!

This is Andy. He's in Basement Tapes and my Shock Treatment play.  I hung out with him tonight and we wrote a song for the show.  There is a 14 year-old band in it (played by adults... Which is weird I didn't realize I wrote into 2 different plays this year) and I thought of Andy.  Then I went into his room and he IS this character!  Look at this room!  He's a middle school boy!!!! 

Rock on.

Hopefully we'll record the song and I will post. It's genius...

THINGS I FINISHED WHILE ON THIS HIATUS:

Because of the sadness of the last post, I'm going to feel good about myself.  So in the spirit of the holy spirit, I'm going to brag about my accomplishments that only I (and my EXTREMELY proud dad) care about, or feel are real accomplishments.  As Jesus always said, "Girl, you're a fine piece of ass!  Be real thankful for stuff!"

MY NEW PORTFOLIO:

- A TV spec, "Shakespeare in the Parks and Rec" to be turned into writing programs/competitions.

- An original pilot, "Untitled Retarded Mackenzie Project," about an incredibly stupid girl that does one-woman-shows and accidentally gets involved in the CIA.

- A short play,  "Shock Treatment at Canter's Deli," showing in the coveted Saturday night slot at the iO West Scripted Festival.

- A ten-minute play, "Boys & Violence," showing at my favorite theatre festival in Chicago, CollaborAction's "Sketchbook Fest!"

(It's in that magazine you got if you were in Thespians in high school!)

- A full-length play, "IVAN," a loose adaptation of the lesser known Chekhov play "Ivanov," reading at Ecco Theatre Company in LA next Monday. 

- A full-length play, "The Water Buffalo,"  showing at the LA Fringe Festival. 

Wrote sketches for Nickelodeon's creative lab, an online app for silly stuff.

So that's what I did on my hiatus.  Dear Lord does it feel good to finish something. 

Don't Google "Best Movie Makeover Scenes" Because You Will Lose your Entire Day

I'm feeling really bad about myself because I haven't worked in months, and am writing passionate pieces on The Lego Movie... and the other day, this is what I **ate:

Pancakes... to go... at 7PM with a beer and a cigarette called "Wild Horse" after I asked the liquor store guy, "What is your cheapest cigarette?  I just want one."  And he gave me it and it tasted like a migraine incarnate.

** Disclaimer.  I despise it when girls Facebook or twitter or whatever about how embarrassed they are by what they ate.  So I'd just like to state I am NOT embarrassed about this.  It was just pointed out to me that it was disgusting and sad.  Seriously, if I see one more, "It's Saturday night and I'm curling up with a whole Digiorno pizza!  I'm such a lameo!" I'm going to throw up all over my computer and call her and make her buy me a new computer.  And if she says, "What?  Why would I do that, who is this?"  I'll be like, "Oh really?  I'm going to kill your whole family."**

LEGO MOVIE

IS SO GOOD!!!
Seriously, I went to it because I was like, whatever why not.  And it is literally the most incredible animation I've ever seen.

***If you want to be surprised why what I mean, don't keep reading.  It's not like it's a spoiler alert because people know this, but I didn't know it so it made it all that more magical.  To quote Drew Barrymore probably.

But the animation is all in legos.  I know that sounds lame and like, yeah, if they can make a lego theme park, I assume they can make a Lego movie.  You just have to see it to understand.  The best way to describe it, is when they shoot each other, it's just this piece attached to the end of the gun with silly noises:

And Will Arnett as a really douchy Batman is perfect. 

And just this picture.  I want to be their dog!

At least watch the trailer, okay!  I hadn't seen the trailer.  Actually, it's not that great.  It makes it look like a kid movie, but it's a great adult movie!  With communist undertones!  I love a good commie flick. 

Okay, the first part's really funny.  Just watch the first part.  Don't judge me!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPnY2NjSjrg#action=share

* I can't find a way to "embed it into my blog" stupid NPR.  Always asking me to embed things into my blog...

I've Defined the Culprit

After several years of soul searching and expensive experiments, I've found the reasons I get wasted without realizing I'm getting wasted are 1. When I'm super happy. And 2. When I'm super nervous.

All of my horribly drunk nights fall into one of those categories.  1. Birthday, friends I never see hangout time.... 2. At a weird Thanksgving of other people's families, at a weird party at Ethan Hawk's house, after hearing people read thigs I wrote... 

It all lines up.

Now that I've defined the culprit, what is the solution?  I can't change to weed smoking, because that makes me paranoid in groups and I only like smoking it alone and in the dark.  I'm thinking about getting an electronic cigarette that doesn't have nicotine in it. That will give me somethig to focus on.  Or maybe I'll just have a baby.

This girl thinks so:

UnNOtard

I just saw a play where two Middle Aged women wore full body leotards by choice.  By choice.  And they were shorter, full figured women.  Not like this model, so also looks stupid:

Why would anyone do thAt to themselves?  I kept thinking there was going to be a reason behind it, like they were going to play atoms, but there wasn't.  

I mean, what I saw wasn't even a camel toe. It was like a camel foot. Like a whole camel foot...

"Shock Treatment at Canter's Deli"

Is the new short play I wrote.  It is going to star Mackenzie Kyle (the Matt to my Ben) and Amanda Foreman... aka MEGAN FROM THE WB'S GREATEST SHOW EVER "FELICITY."  I am meeting her tonight for a reading and I'm going to die.  Literally, I couldn't ask for more in my life. Wait, I can.  Scott Speedman comes and we have the imaginary conversation I stated in posts of the past.

Also in it is a couple of adult men playing middle school boys in a garage punk band.  I write about middle school boys a lot...

Super Cool poster by little tiny Delaney Yeager

Everyone come see it!
Saturday, February 22 @ 10:00
iO West Mainstage
Part of the iO West Scripted Festival.

I Have a Problem

This is less a post and more like a cry for help. 
Does anyone in the world reading this (I assume it's read all over the world, and people of different countries have to go to their local translater, an old man that looks like Jafar in the scene where he tricks Aladdin to go into the Cave of Wonders, and BEG them to translate this blog.  "EEt iz a new upDAYte froma the MackBlogMack...from Amerika!")... where was I?  Oh, does anyone in the world reading this know how to get a "Less-good" night's sleep?  Every women's magazine in the world talks about ways to get a good, deep night's sleep.  I'm in search of a non-deep night's sleep.  I sleep so incredibly deeply that my dreams become more important than my daily life.  My alarm goes off and I'm like...not now, alarm, I need to find my shoes or else I'll be late for the airplane in my dream!  It's seriously so horrible. 
I also think the art department in my dreams is incredible.  Like American Horror Story trailers good.  I kid, but it's ruining my life. I'd so much rather be asleep then awake.  Why be awake when you can be asleep in the most magical lands in the world?!  I know that's what depressed people say, but I'm really not depressed (this week-mercurial!), so how can I change this?
Oh, and my dreams are very funny.  I never remember the jokes, but anyone who's ever slept next to me can attest that I crack up VERY loudly and suddenly in the night.  I've always assumed that little quirk of mine is adorable and sweet, but I've been told of late it's jarring and horribly creepy.

PS.  When you were watching these older Disney movies, do you remember there were some shots like this one above?  They were so incredibly beautiful and had a different texture than the rest of the movie.  It's not like it's just a flat cartoon.  I've always wondered how they did that, and why they don't make a whole movie looking like this.  RIP, 1D cartoon movies.

Quizzes

Ahhhhh I can't stop taking online quizzes!!!! I need to go back to work!!!!!!

Who Are You in Game of Thrones Quiz:

I'm extremely pleased by this answer

 

I feel I should write down what amigas (fuck you auto-correct for telling me it's 'amigos')and I  came up with in NOLA.  This was a very important part of the vacation.  Marisa, feel free to skip this post.

Anne- Millisandre the firewoman!

Because she's a redhead, and she would know how to use magical powers because she would read them in ye old medieval fiction literature of the time.  And she would lean to tame the elements like fire... And weather... (hurricanes).

Erin- Tyrion Lannister

We thought she would be someone else, but then this came upon us.  Such a Tyrionne.  Loves to have a good time, get wasted, and buy a couple whores.  But when shit gets real, she comes up with sneaky plans.  And she's a dwarf.

Lydia- Sansa Stark

Because she's just such a lovely woman.  The ever romantic, she wants for love above all.  Oh! And she would know all about the braids in fashion!  Sansa loves a fashionable braid.

Mackenzie- Aria Stark

It's easy picturing me holding a teenie tiny sword. "Needle!" And being very okay, if not more comfortable, in a pageboy bowlcut, chopped off by an angry man wielding a dull sword.  But I'm also really cool with being Drogo.

Mariann- Talisa

Mari WOULD snag the sexiest guy and be like "hell no I don't want to fight for no throne, but I totes support you all the way."  And she was a war nurse, which just makes sense.

Marisa- Margaery Tyrell

Oh it's just too perfect.  Even if it's like a sweatpants day at the castle, she's like f that shit and looks SUPER sexy.  She seems like the hopeless romantic but she's like, way smarter than everyone.  I'm scared she'll give *Khalisi a run for her money...

Nicolette- Ygritte

I think she is still the three eyed crow, but she can also be Ygritte.  Nic would DEFINITELY be a Wildling, because she would know how to survive in the worst of elements.  She'd make satchels and huts faster than anyone else.  And she is focused on getting the job done... Until she is thrown off course by her one weakness... Love. "You know nothing Bobby Bobby'slastname."

*No one is Khalisi because, I'm sorry, no one is Khalisi.